Friday, 29 April 2016

Technology corner, with 'Joff'.

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We all know Joff as a Man Power. The mediocre record producer and an aggressively average, jet set disc jockey, yes. And of course his BALLOONING weight issues and his ongoing battle with cough medicine dependency are well documented too. But what we don't realise is that nothing makes him happier than when he's dispensing advice and facts about his favourite subject. Technology. So, as a favour to us he's agreed to impart a little of said wisdom on our readers so as such, we bring you, something we REALLY hope won't become a regular thing.
Hold tight mother fucker, it's ,,,,


1. "I spend a lot of my time on planes, trying to hold in a  massive piss. If you smartphone gets and piss on it, or gets dirty, or smells a bit 'pissy', bleach works but nothing purifies like a cleansing fire.
Disclaimer: Some applications may become and unstable after cleansing.

2. I sometimes get piss on my fingers making them slippy and as a result it's often difficult to hold a smartphone. If you drop your smartphone down the toilet, simply flush the chain. If it was meant to be, it will find it's way back to you. This always works for me.

3. I'm part piss goblin so sometimes piss myself in bed which wakes me up! However if you're NOT a piss goblin and if the thing waking you up is your smartphone nibbling on your neck, it has probably become a vampire. Immediately rub thoroughly with garlic and make your lock screen image a crucifix to repair.

4. When I'm out in the countryside it's pretty much assured that if I'm not pissing all over the wildlife then I'm more than likely indulging in another one of my hobbies, 'twitching'. No, not bird watching. I my body actually jerks uncontrollably whenever I'm within 5 meters of any type of woodland creature. I just love it!
However, if your smartphone hoots loudly and pecks at you with it's beak during use, it is probably not a smartphone at all and is in fact an owl. Unless Wi-Fi enabled, your owl will not be able to display even the most rudimentary apps and is unlikely to return ANY internet search results.

Well. I hope that's answered any technology related questions. I've had a great time and I'm sure you all have too. I'm off for a piss now. Laters.

Big love.
Joff. X

N/B: We promise that Joff will not be returning to this blog in any shape or form. X

Friday, 22 April 2016

Podcast #10. Bleaching Agent. (Perc Trax)

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"Mercenary producer, bellend disc-jockey. Currently affiliated with Mira, Komisch, Opal Tapes and the like."

Shadowy techno producer 'Bleaching Agent' has not only been a favourite producer/DJ of mine for some years but he's also been a major fixture of British techno in various guises for almost a decade now! Whether that was through his wide-ranging solo work or with groundbreaking industrial stalwarts Forward Strategy Group, or the short-lived 'PC music' antagonists Blacknecks, he has consistently helped pave the way for the resurgence of the UK techno scene, releasing killer cuts on the likes of Kosmisch, Resin and of course Perc Trax.
Taking in everything from experimental techno stuff, noise, drone or industrial pieces. His DJs sets can range from the beautiful to the brutal. Drawing on synthpop, disco, noise, industrial and just about anything else that takes his fancy, he has earned a reputation as an engaging and shrewd selector. Both hypnotic and exhilarating.
These genre's are all touched on in the mix he's delivered for us. Stripped-back, cerebral 4x4 action sits comfortably alongside deep, blaring dancefloor fodder while he later delves into a murky world, inhabited by grungy beats and waves of noise - but it remains firmly rooted on the dance floor thanks to the razor sharp percussion.
But really, don't take our work for it! See for yourself!

Enjoy. X

Resident Advisor

As ever, you can download the podcast from our '' profile simply by clicking the link below this.

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

It was 28 years ago today. Chuck D taught his band to play,,,,

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The 14th of April. It's a landmark date for hip-hop and music in general for on this day in 1988, an album that expanded the boundaries of Hip Hop as a genre was released. That album is Public Enemy‘s 'It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back'. Riding high from the critical and slight commercial success of the group’s debut LP 'Yo! Bum Rush The Show', this second album was a momentous leap forward for Public Enemy and Hip Hop as a whole. The fact that the debut was a hit in the Hip Hop community but did not cross over into other audiences of music lovers caused the group to make some changes resulting in one of their most successful albums to date. Since then and for the most part, Hip-Hop provides us with clever, structured and well written lyrics dealing with all aspects of life. Things we can relate to, things that make us think. But what about when it goes wrong? Below are some of the worst Hip-Hop lyrics of all times.

Tupac Shakur - Gangsta Bait (1991)

"Livin in tha hood was a fuckin breeze,
Cos we always had a wide selection of cheese,
Cheddar, Stilton, Gorgonzola and Brie,
If you ain't eat your cheese then hey bitch more for me"

50 Cent - The poop in my Britches - (2004)

"I'm up in tha club, with all my best bitches,
But then I laugh too hard, now I got poop in my britches,
Poop in my britches, got that poop in my britches.
Dey wonderin' what that smell, yo it's the poop in my britches"

Kendrick Lamar - That pigeon be fartin' - (2012)

"I ain't got time to wonder how my life fell apart,
Cos I'm all like holy fuck, did that pigeon just fart?
It's sittin' on my window, with a look as if to say,
I just farted bitch you don't wanna fuck with me today"

Drake - Never let a bitch break UR balls - (2012)

"When I leaned in to kiss you, yo I leaned too far,
Cos gurl I fell into the road and I got hit by a car,
I broke my legs my skull my back gurl I'm fallin' apart,
But know this baby I will never break your heart"


"Ay kids your teacher only tryna lead you down the right path,
You don't need guns and bitches, you need science and math,
Who need a long dick when you got long divison,
And always help yo mama when she in the kitchen"

Tyler the Creator - Damn y'all digital motherfuckers - (2011)

"Final Fantasy Seven, bitch this game can get stepping,
Cos I just can't beat the motherfuckin' Emerald Weapon,
I got Knights of the Round bitch and still I lose?
Gonna get myself online and check some FAQs"

Eminem - Marshal go boom-boom - (2013)

"Me make poopy noises,
Me make poopy noises,
(3 minute soundbite of sloppy fart and poop noises)
Kim Hailee blah blah blaaaaaaah
(6 more minutes of even sloppier fart and poop noises)
Marshall make poopy noises"

Kanye West & Jay Z - Say goodbye mother fucker - (2012)

Kanye - "You hang up"
Jay Z - "No you hang up"
Kanye - "No you hang up"
Jay Z - "No you hang up"
Kanye - "No you hang up"
Jay Z - "No you hang up"
(Continues for 8 minutes)
Kanye - "Actually I don't wanna hang up. I wanna listen to you sleep"
Jay Z - "That sounds delightful"
(Snoring noises)

(Just to prove it's not always been horribly over produced & autotuned shit, here's my old 86 - 92  mix to remind you of hip-hop's golden age. X.)
Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Thursday, 7 April 2016

The best DJ you've (probably) never heard of #6. Steele Bonus.

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Probably better known in business circles for his work as a graphic designer, Steele Bonus is a Sydney native currently based in Amsterdam working primarily in the fields of branding, web design, print design and art-direction. However, for the sake of this piece we'll be focussing more on his, er, 'weekend based' projects as a DJ and record collector who for the past decade and a half has been playing and organising parties around Sydney as well as traveling the world to dj and search for records. Currently working out of the Dutch capital, he's been making contributions to labels like ESP Institute, Italians Do It Better, Future Classic, Noncollective and Noise In My Head among others.
His legendary mix series, 'Odd Waves' famously evolved into the physical form of a small publication and mix CD which sold out at stores around the globe from Red Light Records in Amsterdam to colette in Paris. Taking in a wide range of styles and genres from psych rock to industrial boogie, african drums and hypnotic house. Deftly and meticulously showcasing the old and the new with the obscure and the classic.  The series chronicles the rogue sub-culture of pop art punks, disco weirdos and synthesists from 1979-1985. Celebrating overlooked and forgotten new wave oddballs, the publication provides a glimpse into the lost scene through a collection of photo portraits, with a foreword by Michael Kucyk. Packaged with an exclusive one hour mix CD featuring the artists within and was limited to 300 copies it's become something of a cult rarity.
Anyhow, hopefully you can treat this as a starting point for a journey of discovery through some of Steele's mixes and it points you in the direction of some spanking new musical treasures!