Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Thoughts On Love And Smoking Podcast Series: #1 Bird Of Paradise.

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Well, after what seems like an interminable amount of humming and harring and lengthy periods of procrastination, I've eventually managed to pull my finger out for long enough to get a brand new, exclusive monthly podcast series up and running. Without sounding too smug, I think I've managed to nail the exact balance with our first 3 or 4 confirmed guests starting off with long time friend of TOLAS, Bird Of Paradise.
Bird of Paradise is Jo Howard's solo project. Hailing from the frozen wastelands of Sunderland in the mystical North East of England he started organising parties in early 2012 in his native lands along with his good friend Clark 'Pav' Davison, the other half of 'Cubik'. As well as being a resident at his own renowned events Jo frequently appeared at some of the North's finest underground nights.
Having began working on his own material in early 2014, he caught the attention of some exciting and innovative labels and released E.P's on Join Our Club and Itchy Pig Records. This gathered great support from names like Red Axes, Eric Duncan and Chida to name a few.
After a busy 6 months, forthcoming in 2015 are a number of releases from labels such as Jennifer Cardini's Correspondant, Have a Killer Time, LBL, Join Our Club and remixes on Throne of Blood, Nein and Blindetonation so keep 'em peeled. But first and foremost, enjoy the mix he's put together for us.

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

MILK/Smagghe & Richards/Biggles/Kick Start/Teenagers. Make of that lot what you will.

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Milk. It is the greatest drink ever. I drink milk for fun. I’ll down it like shots, out of a ramekin.

Milk. So it is with this pointless aside about milk that I begin this entry about Sainsbury’s.

I can’t be doing without milk. It’s like having blood. Or oxygen. Or Call Of Duty. Or sex….oh. Right. Anyway. I’m so into milk that at school I kept all the milk for myself and warded off attackers to my milk mountain using old boxes as a fort, tossing house-bricks at any unfortunates trying to approach. School that year was not pleasant for anyone. I made sure.

Milk is what provided the catalyst for my morning yawning and trip to Morrisons. It’s too far to walk without it being a chore. Too close to not to. I bravely soldiered on, through the Tolkien wastes of the level crossing, the mysterious mountainous regions of past the leisure centre, and the incredible vista of that bit where the roundabout is.

Like Okenshield, I staunchly pressed on, through roads and stuff until finally, the laughing face of commercialism. Morrisons! Possessively titled fun shack of food. I picked up a basket and wandered in, murmuring “Oh good. The stench of humans…..shouldn’t say that out loud really” Nobody heard me. I wandered the aisles somewhat aimlessly, finding some necessary items. Some not so necessary. Processed peas? What madness took me? Several things happened. Firstly, while browsing for something or other I heard what sounded like a choking child next aisle.

I said this out loud, to nobody: “Sounds like Bart Simpson being strangled next aisle. Not so funny in real life.”

Rounding the next corner, I was face-to face with a terrifying teenager, a fixed expression, blank, soulless eyes. It was like being faced with Damien out of the Omen. Try to imagine that moment. Go on. Me staring into the face of a 16 year old kid. I dropped gaze and moved on. Terrifying events in the cereal aisle.

Moving on and more fruitless wandering ended up with some apples being tossed blithely into the basket and a pang of jealously as a child swung a trolley around with joy. I can’t do that, anymore. Pissing about with trolleys. It’s all gone now. Along with Kick Start, Spangles and the Cold War. Modern Britain.

I check out. I started laughing uncontrollably as I imagined a range of Biggles books for modern times. Biggles learns to Cry. Biggles learns some home truths. Biggles and the Death Hat. I am punched back into sense by a fussy checkout, which keeps calling the fucking attendant because of weight problems. Saying “Cheers mate” six times now sticks in my craw like screen burn. I had to say it six times, because it took two goes for the machine to shut up the three times it happened. Rowdy computer. Next time I'm bringing a gun for that cunt.

So that’s that. I’m home now, having laid into the apples, Frosties and Laughing Cow. Now why don’t you just fuck off, yeah?

It's no secret that as DJ's and record producers we've held both Smagghe and Richards in high esteem for a very long time here at TOLAS, and we need very little excuse to chuck some of their music up on here. As such, I must give my iPod and in particular the shuffle feature the credit for this.
I'll not go on an extended biog/history about either of them, so have included a quick bluffers guide.

Yadda, yadda, Enigmatic Frenchman, blah, blah, DJ & Producer, rhubarb, rhubarb, Rough Trade, Paris, yadda, yadda, Radio Nova, blah, blah, Black Strobe and It’s A Fine Line, Facebook polemicist, cough, cough.
*Deep breath*
Fabric residency, etc, etc, Tyrant, blah, blah, Fist or finger, yadda, yadda,,,,,

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Mystic Dan ruins your month with his HORRORSCOPE and WITCHCRAFT & a new Needle Exchange mix from me,,, to also ruin your month!!

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Can you hear a high pitched whistling noise? Yes? That’s because your hearing is fucked. On the plus side, tinnitus is really handy for getting out of social events.
Time to de-scale your kettle.

Your inflatable neck rest will pop on a long haul flight. Long story short: NEVER FLY AIR BALTIC unless you want chronic whiplash.
Wear blue for a pay rise. Probably.

If your hamstrings are tight, wait until the full moon wanes… or see a physio.
You are trying to find new ways of making money but remember, it’s illegal to sell firearms on eBay.
When in a rage, you have a look of Beryl Reid.

“Everything comes to those who wait.” This is a lie. You must prise yourself out of your armchair if you do not want to die alone.
Your low arches are giving you a shit-tonne of gyp this week and a fall from a window will result in shattered calcaniums.

You will win a bucking bronco competition but knock your front teeth out in the process. That’s life! We are all on a one way trip to a pine box. Console yourself with a custard tart.

Don’t bother going to the dentist; he is giving you fillings you don’t need for the cash.
You took more tinned peaches than strictly necessary to May’s Harvest Festival and your generosity will finally be rewarded in the shape of tickets to see Derek Acorah live.

Your head will swell up when you supplement your income by taking part in medical trials. Wait for it to go down before getting your new passport photo or you will be setting yourself up for a whole new heap of shit.

Your bed sores are getting worse. Get a friend to flip you over occasionally.
Most Virgos can tell when Mercury is in retrograde because their shins will ache like billy-o.

Stress will cause you to take up shoplifting. You will be caught red handed with a bag of Babybels. Embarrassing. Though It didn’t do Winona Ryde r any harm did it? She went on to make the film Black Swan where Natalie Portman gets muffed out. You haven’t seen it – treat yourself!

You will fail your driving test theory for the 47th time. Next time, try cheating by writing the answers up your arms or sleeping with the man who marks the papers. This all depends on how big your arms are and what the examiner looks like.

Mars will cause you to slip a disc, spilling your coffee and scalding your feet, meaning they swell up and you have to get your Dr Martens cut off/surgically removed. Your Dr Martens can be replaced. Your disc, however, is utterly fucked.

You will lose your dachshund to quicksand on Tuesday. Try not to dwell on his demise, it was mercifully quick (hence the name ‘quick’ sand).
Wear a copper bracelet to ward against rheumatism and making friends.

Love and vibezZzZz.
Mystic Danz. X

Well then! Thats your stars for the month, now a bit of music to calm you down or more likely put you in a bad mood. The latest in the 'Needle Exchange' series birthed from my very hand. 2 decks all live, one take as per usual. The first half is a bit like Jackie Chan who after taking offence to an embarrassing etiquette gaff would engage you in two hours of elaborate pre-fight rituals before employing a joiners stool in a comedy manner to win a brawl then the second is more like Chuck Norris who'd just give you a spin kick round the back of the neck and call your missus a cunt. Anyhow, there's tracks from Rodion, Manfredas, The Off Key Hat, Andy Blake and Tim Fairplay, Munk, Headman, Mutado Pintado & The Sworn Virgins, etc, etc, so if thats your swag, have a listen! Or not. X

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Operation Solstice * The Battle of the Beanfield (Director's Cut extended version).

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This newly edited and remastered Chanel 4 documentary has been doing the rounds for a couple of weeks now and is sure to be of interest! The Battle of the Beanfield took place over several hours on the afternoon of Saturday 1 June 1985 when Wiltshire Police prevented a vehicle convoy of several hundred new age travellers, known as 'The Convoy' and referred to in the media as the 'Peace Convoy' from setting up at the 11th Stonehenge Free Festival at Stonehenge in Wiltshire, England "Basically the police were extremely violent and beat up men and women with children." The whole reason that the government was so eager to stop the festival was the law which stated that 'after 12 years of gathering in the same place of celebration a national event automatically came into being and as a national event they would have been unable to prevent it from occurring again in the future.'

- "This is the original and 47 min extended version of the documentary about the Battle of the Beanfield - digitised from the last remaining sub-master tape to mark the 30th anniversary on 1st June 2015.
This films documents events that happened on 1st June 1985 when people tried to make their way to Stonehenge to set up what would have been the 11th People's Free Festival.
National government and local authorities had decided to put an end to both the Festival and the travelling lifestyle that growing numbers of people were adopting during the dark years of the Thatcher era.
It was the time of the Miners strike and anti-nuclear protests at Greenham Common. Anyone who did not agree with government policy was considered to be the 'Enemy Within' and was investigated, infiltrated, suppressed and marginalised.
The police stopped a convoy of 600 largely peaceful men, women and children as they made their way to Stonehenge. People drove into a field to avoid the police but were surrounded and given no chance of escape.
The Police operation had been planned for several months. New paramilitary equipment and tactics developed during the miners' strike were implemented; later in the day the people in the Beanfield were violently attacked by massed ranks of 1300 riot police. Large numbers of vehicles were destroyed and 536 people were eventually arrested - the largest mass arrest of civilians in English legal history.
It wasn't a Battle, it was an ambush where defenceless people were beaten and those that tried to defend themselves were beaten some more. Few, if any, charges were ever upheld against the people and in 1991 some of the Travellers successfully sued the police for damages. Although the judge over-ruled the intentions of the jury and all of their compensation was taken away in costs.
Why is this important when tens of thousands are massacred around the world annually? Because it's about freedom and hypocrisy - this is England, where we pretend to hold the moral high ground and we justify invading other people's countries to uphold human rights. But if our own house is not in order then who are we to judge?
This film was self-funded during the summer/winter of 1990/91 and Channel 4 provided some completion money for a 23 min version that was broadcast in October 1991 despite attempts by the Police to take out high court injunctions to prevent it."

- Gareth Morris and Neil Goodwin.

Till next time.
Big love. Mark. X